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Communication and Discipline

Communication and Discipline for Children and Adolescents

By Bruce E. Snyder, MS

       Licensed Psychologist

In these difficult and rapidly changing times, many parents find themselves frustrated, alienated and sometimes exasperated in dealing with their children. This article will highlight some important communication skills as well as effective discipline practices to help to promote healthier and more effective relationships within the family.

Six important issues regarding communication:

1. Express interest in your child’s activities: Children naturally try to involve adults in what they are doing and the adult is often annoyed at being bothered. Taking the time and showing the interest will help the child to feel useful, purposeful and worthy.
2. Show love and affection on a regular basis: Sometimes all that is needed for any angry child to regain control is a hug or other show of affection. Plus, nurturance on a regular basis is vital for good emotional functioning.
3. Ease tension through humor: Kidding a child out of a temper tantrum (redirecting)) offers the child an opportunity to “save face”. However, it is important not to tease or ridicule.
4. Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses:    Help them to see that they can reach their goals and cheer them on.
5. Teach and encourage children to express themselves verbally: Talking helps a child have control and thus reduces acting out behavior.
6. Model appropriate behavior: Parents should be aware of the powerful influence of their actions on a child’s behavior.

Six important issues regarding discipline:

1. Discipline should be fair, swift and appropriate to the situation: If our children aren’t occasionally upset by the consequences we impose, we should toughen them.
2. Parents need to work as a team: Parents who fundamentally disagree about discipline will have children who misbehave.
3. Homes are not democracies: Parents are the leaders, major decision makers and authority figures. All kids want and need discipline, whether they say so or not.
4. Impose consequences consistently: this may be inconvenient but it is essential for success.
5. Avoid yelling and screaming: If parents are in control they must act that way and always maintain control.
6. Avoid making idle threats: This is ineffective and a waste of time. Children see right through it.